I give you my soul
‘tis yours to keep.
to safeguard,
protect,
do as you wish.
Confinement in loving
now, no more.
I give you wings,
that you may fly,
soar through skies,
reach the blue,
…great heights.
I now release you,
You are free.
I give you choice,
no boundaries.
You now can decide,
claim and achieve.
Those that was once out of reach,
now close at hand,
grab on,
hold tight,
don’t let go.
Fight or flight.
no more once there was a “WE”
It started out- fun, happy,
then gradually it changed.
Gloom slowly taking over,
no more darkness into day.
I move left, then you go right,
now then we start to fight.
Compromise we have forgotten,
hatred now resides.
You dig your grave with every smile.
You gently hide each tear.
You push and push ’til you can push no more.
You then have lost your will.
and then last you wander,
then I started asking,
asking how or why,
whispered longings,
murmured thoughts.
I cry, you burn, we die.
in the end we both lost it,
in the end we tried,
for in our last chance I kept on fighting,
but you decide to fly.
Now all that’s left is me here thinking,
hoping you’ll come by.
Waiting for that faithful day,
when again you’ll be at my side.
Please
Some people just don’t fit. No matter what they do or no matter how a person adjusts if they are not meant for each other; they are not meant for each other.
I’m writing this for a friend. Hoping that she realizes what is really happening.
You are like a sister to me. We’ve been friends since kindergarten. I know that you are in a relationship. That you are going out with Lester. I just don’t know how you guys started out or when you started going out but I’ve always known that you two are together. Why did you keep everything a secret from me, if you were going to tell me about it in the end? I think after what I’ve witnessed I finally understood why.
A few months back I saw how your relationship began to go down hill. I was there when it all happened. I was always there. I was with you when you found out he is seeing someone else. I was there when you cried your eyes out every single night because of him. I was there when you found out you were pregnant. I was there when you had a miscarriage because you were so stressed out that your child was to grow-up without a dad. I was there. Seeing you go through all this breaks my heart. Every time you cry or when you’re hurting. Its hard seeing you like that. Its something I can’t bear to watch.
But what hurts the most is that after every conversation we have, about you wanting to move on or leave him; you always end up doing the opposite. Please do learn. I was always there when you so willingly take him back without qualms or questions. I was always there when you forgive him over and over again. I was also there when he decides to walk out of your life yet again.
I know how it feels to be in-love and I know how it feels to be hurt. But what I cant understand, is how you can stand to be hurt over and over and over again. I know you love him but sometimes Love is not enough. There should be respect, honesty, loyalty, care.
I know that we are of the same age and that you already feel like your getting old but for heavens sake were only 29! A lot of things could still happen. You don’t need to rush. Rushing things leads to confusion and chaos.
I tried to talk to you, to help you understand, to help you realize your situation but I think no matter what I say or do you won’t listen. This is starting to wear me down. What’s happening is wearing me out too. I don’t want to get tired being your friend.
I hope that you realize what is really happening. I’m hoping that you’ll wake up one day and change your mind about wanting to be with him. You are the only person who can really help your self.
I know you are reading my blog right now. I love you. Your family loves you. We are here. Please wake up. Please.
stop::rewind::play
To my Friend Karla.
Please open you eyes. I hate to see you get hurt over and over again. All I can do is to be here for you. Comfort you.
I know something like this is to happen again. Our life plays the song “The Last Time” by Taylor Swift & Gary Lightbody. You keep breaking my heart, keep saying your sorry, that you regret it, you keep coming back and I keep on letting you in. Forgiving you, trusting you. We are on a loop. An endless cycle.
When will we get tired if this circle?
Who will break the chain?
Similar but not the same
Some people think that they know me better than I do myself. I really hate it when people try to compare what I’m going through to what they have been through. They will compare, then they will tell me that I’m doing something wrong or that that is not how I should have handled things. I should’ve acted differently. Talked differently or think differently. It feels like I’m the mistake. That it’s me they wanted to help and change not the situation that I’m in.
I have been stuck in a rut these past few days and during my journey towards my self-actualization, came this person. A person thinking that he is wiser, thinking and acting like he knows everything, telling me what to do with my life.
I know that our age is just a number and our maturity does not depend on it. Our maturity is based on the number of our acquired experiences where we learn. Experiences that we go through that shapes us to be better individuals, better decision-makers. There are times where our experiences seem somewhat similar to somebody else but the point is it is similar not the same or exactly alike.
If you’re a friend or a sister or a mother or just a plain “somebody”, then you see this person experiencing something similar to a situation you were in, do not immediately tell them what you think is wrong or what you think they should do; listen first. Observe first. Ask first. Before you say or do something, listen…Really listen then just be the supportive “someone” they need. Never judge. Do not tell somebody how to live their life correctly according to your previously experienced circumstance. See, that circumstance YOU experienced was YOURS, not MINE. We are two different individuals. We may think or act alike but we are not the same. Even twins have differences.
Eventually, in the end, you get to voice out your point-of-view or you get to be asked for an advice. But until then, just wait and listen.
To you: what I need right now is “someone” who will listen to me. Listen..not even understand, someone who will just listen. I need someone who will not judge me for the number of mistakes I’ve collected but rather see me as person who ceaselessly tries to stand up after falling down flat a dozen of times. A person who does not give up.
I want you to see that all I need is for you TO ACTUALLY BE THERE and LISTEN.
All Aboard!
I guess the saddest part when you are expecting something is ending up being disappointed in the end. Being disappointed for me feels like being hit by a two-ton weight then being trampled by rampaging elephants. That’s how it is for me.
Like everybody, I’ve had my fair share of disappointments. The funny thing is, I already know how I will feel even before I get hit by “disappointment” but then it always feels like its always a first time for me. I guess this is because every situation requires a varied amount of effort. No two-situation will ever be the same. Therefore it will always be a first time. ^_^
My friends always tells me to be prepared, to be realistic, not to expect much and to always expect the unexpected; so that in the long run I won’t have to be too disappointed. But knowing ME, I’m the hopeful type. Realistic but still hopeful. For me, there is nothing wrong when I put all my effort into something. That’s just how I live. I don’t want to be haunted by “what ifs and regrets”. I have always believed that when I do things wholeheartedly then nothing is hard or impossible. I know that I’m creating my own possibility by doing things wholeheartedly and by being hopeful. A possibility birthed by wanting something so much.
I’d rather be hurt because I was disappointed, knowing I did everything and exhausted all possible options; than to be partly fulfilled because I did something halfhearted.
Winning: At What Cost?
Play it fair
Picture Credit: flickr.com
The Better Thing
It is better to lose with a conscience clean than to win by a trick unfair;
It is better to fail and to know you’ve been, Whatever the prize was, square, than to claim the joy of a far-off goal And the cheers of the standers-by, and to know down deep in your inmost soul A cheat you must live and die.
Who wins by trick can take the prize, and at first he may think it sweet, But many a day in the future lies When he’ll wish he had met defeat.
For the man who lost shall be glad at heart and walk with his head up high. While his conqueror knows he must play the part of a cheat and a living lie.
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Not Again
I’m alright now
I’m doing fine
I’m standing on my own two feet again
I’m happy
My mornings are finally bright and sunny
I laugh now
I smile
and then suddenly
that dreaded phone call
here you are…
no more
not again.
Thinking out loud: My Bucket List
Two months ago I came up with my Bucket List. A friend and I were talking when he suddenly asked me about what I really wanted to do with my life, the things I want to try out and goals I’d really love to accomplish. It was really such a profound question that it took me too long to answer. It even took me longer to really come up with my bucket list. So after a few grueling days of souls searching I finally came up with my list. Its a bit short compared to others, but right now these are the things I would really love to do, achieve or accomplish. Who knows I may get to add a few more as the year passes.
Here it goes ^_^
1. Buy a new bike. This one is easy to do but for a very often weird twist of fate the money I usually save ends up to be spent on something else.
2. Get a tattoo. Not everyone may find getting a tattoo appealing but I do. I’m just afraid that it’ll hurt so much, that I won’t be able to finish a tattoo session without either screaming or crying my eyes out. My pain tolerance is as big as an ant. lol.
I would love to have this tattooed somewhere on my right wrist.
3. Learn Archery. There are a lot of things I enjoy doing. Playing online games is one of them. Every time I play a new game I always end up choosing an archer as my game character . Learning archery is like living my ultimate gaming dream.
4. Learn a foreign Language. I’d love to learn how to speak Korean, French or Japanese. I love the way they pronounce words.
5. Own and drive a car. From where I’m from owning one is really expensive but right now I really need a car and learn how to drive one. I have a small business here at home and renting out vans and trucks to haul my merchandise when attending exhibits is just too much. I’d rather have my own instead.
6. Write a book, preferably a children’s book.
7. Visit the Harry Pottery Theme Park in Orlando Florida. I’m a fan of the book. Enough said! ^_^
8. I’d love to go to Batanes and to see the Moai at Easter Island.
9. Landscape my yard. Its already starting to look like a jungle out there!
10. I want to find out how it feels like to be kissed in the rain. I’m a bit of a romantic. This is something that I’d definitely want to experience. Sadly, I’m still single so this particular item in my list could probably take a long time before it can become a possibility.
There you go. Some of the things on my list may seem a bit silly but I hope you enjoyed reading through my list. How about you, what is on your list?
On Writing
When I woke up this morning I suddenly realize that I have been writing again. I have been writing for a couple of days now. I have no technical background about writing. I did not study about writing nor have I taken any course about it.
So now, the question I face is this-Why do I write? Why am I writing again?
When I ask myself this question, I’m usually stomped. Then I would just stop writing altogether. But then again I really love to write. I love words and letters. I like how thoughts materialize when I write. I like how when words are put together or separated they will have a totally different meaning.
After reading a blog from Vincent Egoro entitled “Obstacles Don’t Have to Stop You”- I then realized that all I have to do is just answer the question.
So now, my answer is this:
I write because this is my way of getting my emotions or my ideas across. There are things I cannot say out loud because I’m not very fluent expressing it vocally but I can say it with ease through writing. When I write its like my hands have a mind of their own. My pen moves in-sync with my brain, with my soul and my entire being.
I write because this is my way to remember the things I have already forgotten. Its my way of looking back and reconnecting, to relive my past for a bit. Its my way to reassess myself and remember my mistakes and learn from it again if I have to.
I write because I want to share. I want you to learn from my mistakes so you no longer have to go through it yourself.
Lastly, I write because I want the world to know my story. Who I am. What I do. How I lived my life. I write because I want to be remembered. It may be selfish but I want the world to know that I’m here. That somewhere in a small house here in my hometown someone like me didn’t just merely live- I existed.
you found me 