On coping with writer’s block (or the lies we tell ourselves along the way)

From one excuse to another

Black coffee and cigarettes

I haven’t written for a very long time.

I joined a creative writing class a while ago to help me through my ‘writer’s block’ – can you call yourself a writer if you don’t write? – and I managed to produce a total of 500 words over the entire four-week course. A paltry amount by any standards, though the course itself was brilliant.

One of the suggestions from my fellow writers was to write about why I don’t write. I’ve been thinking a lot about the reasons I don’t write lately so this seemed as good a place to kick off my writing again as any. And also address why I call myself a writer in the first place – a hard sell in the writing void of the last few months.

In my professional life, I have been a public relations consultant, a journalist and now, an editor. Words…

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Things I could tell you

Telling her secret

A Letter For Lao, From You-Know-Who

Someone dear to me asked me if I could blog about this for Her. I hope this reaches Lao H. You made someone I care about cry. Why?

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Right now I’m perpetually stuck. After you left I just can’t seem to move on. I feel so alone right now. I feel like you took away with you all the things that once made me happy. My morning now seems dull. My bed feels cold. I no longer enjoy strolling at the park or walking my dog. I hate coffee. All I want to do is stay at home and sleep all day hoping that by the time I finally wake up all the hurt will just disappear.

Why did it take you too long to decide to leave? Why did you choose to leave? Why didn’t you tell me you wanted out? Am I not enough? Did I love you less than what you were expecting? The saddest part is you left without telling me why. Without any reason or explanation.

So tell me, how am I supposed to understand? How am I supposed to move on? When all you said was

Goodbye…

Courage: Mustered

Lately I have been wondering why I was still single. Why I’m still alone even though I’m happy. See, I’m already 29 and it has been more than 5 years since I last dated. This has been bothering me these past few years. Some of my friends knew about this and that it has been eating me every night. So my friend, Macon decided to tell me why. Let me share the letter that She gave me Last June17, 2014.

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June 17, 2014

3:20 PM

Kris,

I never once believe the idea that “Love will find you” or “You just have to wait”. For me, that’s bullshit. I don’t mean to offend you because I know that you believe in that kind of stuff, but if you really think about it; it just doesn’t seem right.

For me Kris it’s this: Finding LOVE means you have to take action. They say that love will just suddenly stare you in the face while you’re doing your grocery, mowing your lawn, while you’re at the club or at the movies. The point is you are still doing something, right? You are not just “literally” waiting sitting at home watching your favorite series while lounging on the couch. Love won’t come knocking on you door. Unless there is this hot delivery guy who is single and very much attracted to you. I guess that will be the only exception.

Love for me is a “consciously unconscious effort” of finding or attracting someone to notice you…your looks and those that “mean more”. I’m not the type to “just sit and wait”. You know me, I’m a go-getter. I guess you have to be like that sometimes.

Do you still remember how I met Robbie? Well let me remind you. Robbie and I met last 2008. He is this good looking guy with an awesome job and is close to his siblings and parents. (Stop smiling okay!? lol)

Every time Rob and I see each other there is this spark..this chemistry that I cannot explain. So I just decided to ask him out. Thinking that if I won’t take action I may not have another chance. So I mustered up the courage and I asked him out.

I was amazed about all the things I found out about him. There is really more to Robbie than just looks.

We had coffee on a very beautiful Wednesday morning. (Yah! I know your gagging right know but just finish reading through this okay. lol) It was hot but it was a bit windy too. We started chatting about His favorite blend and everything or anything that involves “coffee”, then about his work, the things he loves to do, sports he would like to try someday, all the places he would like to visit, the things he would like to give or do for his family, how he wanted to support a niece through college and help the baseball team he was coaching to look for funds for their team shirt.

I have never met a guy who is that talkative and passionate about his life. (I know what your thinking! I also shared something about me). It was around lunch when we decided to part ways. This time he asked me out after that “meeting”. (Guess what Rob told me!? Of course you may ask him this yourself. Lol.) He told me this Kris, “I’ve never met a person like you Macon. I haven’t met anybody with whom I felt completely comfortable sharing all the things I just told you. Well, not until today.” Robbie was smiling from ear to ear when he told me that! I later found out that Robbie also likes me he was just too shy to ask me out. Thank God I asked him out!

See.. if I did the same thing you are doing right now, which is to “just wait and see”, I wouldn’t have met Robbie. I wouldn’t have met this wonderful man who would eventually be my husband.

So good luck with your consciously unconscious effort looking for yours.

I’ll be home for Beth’s Birthday. Hope to see you soon!

XOXO

Macon

 

 

Love through social media

This may seem like I’m advertising but I’m not. Read on.

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Web and I met in an online gaming community that lets you build a base, improve it, join a clan and then head for clan war. I was…most of the time…online. I have been playing a lot of MMORPG’s that’s why I already knew that playing this new game means that there is a possibility that I will get to meet new people.

And so I did.

I can’t remember if it was Him or Me that sent a friend request on Facebook. That was when we started talking to each other. We started from the usual getting-to-know-you questions to a more meaningful conversation. We started talking about our likes and dislikes, his work and his passion; mine too, we shared childhood memories, exchanged playlists, recommended books to each other and more. In a matter of months our conversation grew deeper and deeper. In a span of months, we fell in love.

Chatting through Facebook that time was no longer enough. He told me that he needed to hear my voice so he asked if I was using Viber. Viber is an app that you can use to call and send text messages to anyone anywhere as long as you have a WiFi connection. I told him that I do have that app and that I’m currently using it because my family is overseas. He asked if he could get my number and call me. I thought he was just joking at first but it turns out he isn’t.

He started calling me everyday. Although we live in different timezones he made sure that we do get a chance to talk to each other daily. We usually end up sleeping late because of this.

After a few more months of non-stop talking we finally decided to meet. So he went ahead and file his vacation leave and I started clearing my schedule for him. He told me that he is very much willing to travel to where I’m at and meet me here, in my country. I admired his gesture. He told me his plans for our meeting, the things that we would be doing, about the books that he would let me barrow from him and a lot more. What surprised me the most was the fact that He booked us a trip to see the place we both wanted to visit, Batanes.

He arrived at the airport a few days after my birthday. He told me that he was really planning to surprise me and arrive earlier in time for my birthday but he wasn’t able to secure an earlier flight so he settled for May 15 instead.

When we finally met it was like magic.

I was there at the airport waiting for him. I was searching the crowd for his face… tying to look for Web in a red shirt. Web loves red. But his favorite is Yellow. I was already getting anxious when suddenly somebody tapped my shoulder from behind, I looked around and there we was! He was smiling. He was already behind me and he was watching me look for him. When I saw him I immediately noticed His eyes, they were sparkling! I can’t help but smile too. We just stood there…smiling at each other. I don’t know how long we have been standing there and staring at each other but this old lady shouted at him and said, “Why are you just standing there boy? Go ahead and kiss the girl! Smiling will get you nowhere.” And so he did kiss me. He started to slowly come closer, pulled me in an embrace, lifted my chin up and kiss me. ^_^ The people around us started cheering. I blushed beet red because of that. I’m not used to being kissed in public.

After our first meeting, a dozen dates and the trip which lasted for a week Web finally asked me if we could make things official. He asked me if we could be a couple and move in together. I will never forget what he told me that day.

He said, “I know this may seem like we are moving way too fast with this relationship, but trust me when I say that I already found half of my heart and I’m not going to let you get away. I’ve fallen in love with you… your wit, your voice, your charming personality. I want you with me. I need you with me.” As cliche as this may sound, what he told me made me cry.

To make the long story short, he asked his boss if he could be assigned here, at Makati, here in the Philippines. We did move in together.

Web and I have been together ever since. Very much happy and in love for two years and counting.

**All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.